Nation's Meteorologists Now Classifying 'Any Wet Stuff Falling From Sky' as 'Impact Weather Event'
Experts Warn Unprecedented 'Dampness' Could Lead to Significant Inconvenience for Local Residents Attempting to Remain Dry.
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a groundbreaking move hailed by risk assessment consultants and umbrella manufacturers, a consortium of leading meteorological organizations has officially reclassified all instances of precipitation and inclement conditions as "Impact Weather Events." This new designation, effective immediately, aims to provide citizens with "hyper-granular, actionable intelligence" regarding atmospheric phenomena previously known simply as "rain," "snow," or "a bit windy."
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