DOJ Unearths Obscure Croquet Rules to Regulate Nation's ‘excessive Merriment’

DOJ Unearths Obscure Croquet Rules to Regulate Nation's ‘excessive Merriment’

Legal Scholars Warn the Unprecedented Move Could Restrict All Public Gatherings to Historically Approved Forms of 'Polite' Recreation.

WASHINGTON D.C. – The Department of Justice has escalated its campaign against modern entertainment, arguing in a new legal filing that 19th-century White House baseball games and early American croquet matches provide ample legal precedent to block upcoming UFC events. Citing a never-before-invoked statute on "maintaining decorum in public squares," the DOJ's brief suggests that such historical precedents are critical to curbing the "unregulated spectacles" of today and ensuring public gatherings adhere to a certain federal standard of subdued enjoyment.

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