Philadelphia Mayor Declares City Global Soccer Capital After Trophy Visit
The Mayor Announced Aggressive New Initiatives, Including Mandatory Daily "Skill-Building" Drills for All Municipal Employees and a New Official City Anthem Played Exclusively on Vuvuzelas.
PHILADELPHIA – Mayor Jim Kenney today declared Philadelphia the undisputed global capital of "football" – or "soccer," as he insisted on calling it – following the FIFA World Cup trophy's brief, heavily-guarded visit to the city. The ceremonial unveiling, which lasted approximately three hours before the trophy was whisked away to its next photo op, has apparently transformed the city’s civic identity overnight. Local officials are already touting a "summer of soccer," which many residents interpret as a marketing push for overpriced sportswear and beer.
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