Nation's Labs Beg Congress: Please Let Us Breed Our Own Tiny, Sufferable Test Subjects

Nation's Labs Beg Congress: Please Let Us Breed Our Own Tiny, Sufferable Test Subjects

Failure to Secure Robust, On-Demand Supply of Pain-Receptors Threatens Humanity's Greatest Scientific Advancements.

Washington D.C. — America's leading research institutions today issued a desperate plea to Congress, urging lawmakers to reverse course on proposed legislation that would defund the breeding of animals for scientific experimentation. Labs across the nation reported an immediate and critical threat to their 'robust research pipeline,' warning that humanitarian concerns are dangerously disrupting the steady supply of specialized biological substrates essential for groundbreaking advancements in everything from cosmetics testing to military-grade pain tolerance studies.

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